The Funny Farm
by Lil'Shiro's Stalker
Summary: Has the pressure of living in Las Noches finaly gotten to Tousen? What is Gin's reaction when he learns just how pathetic Tousen's life is? This is my first story and I hope you click the link!


Ok, this is my first fan fiction and I hope you all enjoy! ^_^ I wrote this while listening to The Funny Farm. Hmm, I wonder if that might have any thing to do with the title? O well, read on for cracky goodness!

I do not own any thing. And if I did I wouldn't be posting stories when I could be making money! :D

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Kaname Tousen never showed emotion. The only feelings he ever showed was anger and his famous "Justice" glare. He showed anger when someone did an un-justice like thing(usually Grimmjow). His normal frown was what the arrancar called the Justice Glare.

Gin Ichimaru was doing his normal rounds, which consisted of stalking random Esparda and mocking Tousen. While on his way to tease Ulqiorra he heard a horrible wailing coming from behind a closed door. He decided to take a peek inside. What he saw made him cease smiling. Pure shock was on his face as someone had just slapped him and called him the almighty Dairy King. There on the floor hugging his baby blanket was Tousen.

"Ne, Tousen-kun what's wrong with ya?" Normally Gin would walk away, pop some popcorn, and come back to watch as someone cried their heart out. But the fact that it was Tousen disturbed the homicidal manic of a man even more so then the green and pink polka dotted baby blanky.

Slowly Tousen's cries stop and he lifts his head up to yell at the person who had just entered his room. "You fucking fox-faced bastard! What do you want?!"

Gin was surprised that the righteous man was using such vulgar language. Although, that didn't stop him from laughing.

"Oi Tousen-kun you're facing the wrong way. I'm over here."

Tousen turns around. "What the hell do you people expect? I am blind god damn it!"

"True" Gin nods his head. "But you never cry. What's tha matter with ya?"

Tousen throws his arms up. "What is not wrong? For starters I am blind!" He points to his eyes.

" Ne, but ya never complained bout it before." Tousen continues his rants without hearing Gin.

"My only friend is WonderWiseiss. He chases butterflies, eats tooth paste, and puts his fingers in the pencil sharpeners! He must have Autism! He should be put in the Las Noches Funny Farm. And because my only friend is a little boy who does every thing I say with out question, people call me a child predator!"

Gin scratches the back of his head and smiled. He knew of these rumors. Hell, he was the one who started them but he was not about to share this information. He was waiting to hear the other problems that plagued the poor pathetic blind man.

"You always make fun of me. Just yesterday you asked me what color I would chose if I could repaint Las Noches!" Gin's smile widened. "Ah come on Tousen-kun. Ya know me and Aizen-Taicho appreciate every thing ya do round here."

Tousen's eyes started to water again. "No! No one like me! Every time I get an internet signal in this god forsaken desert I go to . I put my name in and click go. Only 3 pages come up! But then I think, 'Hey, I only have the rating on K-T. There are probably a lot of stories of me that have lemons, I should change it to rating: All.' So I change it and only 4 pages show up! And what's worse is that on almost every story I click on it turns out that I have to co-star with you!"

At this, Gin's eyes perked up. "Really now? And how many pages do I have?"

Tousen cried even harder, "48 including lemons."

In his sick little mind, Gin started jumping up and down with glee. "Yahoo! I sure am liked a lot!" He rubs his chin, "The girls in the human world must sure like bad boys."

Tousen's depressed face instantly brightened. "I disagree. I believe you have more male fans."

Head tilting to the side as his infamous smile turned to a frown. "What cha mean by that?"

Tousen continues, "In most of the stories you are either raping/in love with Lieutenant Kira or being raped/loved by Aizen-sama."

At this Gin's eyes fully opened in horror of what he had just heard. Him! The former Captain of Squad 3 who everyone feared, now traitor who everyone feared. (Not much of a change) _**The **_Ichimaru Gin, gay?!?! "Who the hell would write this BS!?!?" He yelled.

"Pfft, do not worry Ichimaru. Everyone knows that you have a certain likeing for a certain red haired female lieutenant."

Thankfully for Gin, Tousen was blind and could not see the blush creeping on to his face. "At least I'm not tha one who serves the tea!" Almost immediately the crying started again. Gin groaned, "Not again."

"That's another thing, Aizen-sama only brought me here to laugh at me. He makes me prepare his tea! Who the fuck asks a blind man to make tea!" Tousen yells while clutching his polka dotted blanky closer to himself. "I burn my self every time I make it. And if I do not burn myself, I end up walking in to the wall with the tea tray!" Finished with his crappy life's problems, he curled in to a fetal position.

Gin watched as Tousen pilled out a spork. "I can not take it anymore! I am ending it all now!" With that said Tousen tried to cut his wrist with the plastic spork. "Damn it! Why is it not working?!" He continued to try killing himself.

"Wow, I've never seen him like this." Gin said to himself. He had seen many people kill themselves, as he was usually the cause of their depression. He had seen them use many things from pencils, fans, over due library books, a solar panel, and even a gold fish. But never has he seen someone try to kill themselves with a spork! "I guess I'll have at call the guys in the white coats."

He still couldn't believe that Tousen had cracked as he saw him led away in a straight jacket. His usual smile grew as he shumpoed of to tell Aizen what had happened. When Gin entered the room he could see his captain wearing a frown as he said, "I heard what has happened to Kaname."

Gin just kept on smiling. "Yep."

Aizen continued, "You were the one who was the closest. You said it would take 1 month, 2 days, and 45 minutes for him to crack. He lasted 1 month, 2 days, and 31 minutes."

To this Gin laughed, "Darn, I was off by 14 minutes."

Aizen cleared his throat, "As the losers of the bet, the Esparda and I will wear the bunny costumes that were purchased in the human world for 5 weeks."

With the announcement of the winner the Espardas groaned. Gin left and went to his room. Standing near the desk in the far corner of the room he pulled out a digital camera. "It's so sad that Tousen-kun has to live in the Funny Farm. Well he always complained bout how he never had the time for his hobby. Now he has all the time he needs to weave as many baskets as he wants!" And with that he left to take as many embarrassing pictures of the almighty Aizen and his army of Esparda in pink bunny suits.

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Well I hoped every one like it! Yes, that even includes Tousen hater haters. I had written this story during my last summer vacation when I should have been doing my Launguage and History work… uh…Please don't hurt me my wonderful and talented teachers! (Yeah right, like they would be reading Bleach fan fiction) Then again Bleach does rock. O well, I'll bake some cookies and then they will have to forgive me! Bwah ha ha!

Well I thank you for reading and I hope you all rate and review! Constructive critism is appreciated and wanted so if I write another fanfic it won't suck as much. Flames will be used to heat my oven to bake my cookies for my teachers!


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